Christmas Sweater Itch
|Ugly Christmas sweaters itch the MOST.|
Why do Christmas Sweaters itch?
Although Christmas sweaters come in a huge variety of fiber selections, yarn constructions, and fabric qualities, they all appear to have one common characteristic. The trait is referenced by Apparel Search as the "Christmas Morning Itch". This unique itch is apparently a primary characteristic in each and every sweater that arrives on X-mas morning. Have you ever received a sweater from Santa and felt obligated to wear it as you opened the rest of your presents? You most likely noticed that for the rest of the morning, you had a terrible itch as well as a quickly growing desire to remove the sweater. That annoying itch was actually the Christmas Morning Itch.
It has not been proven by science. However, we certainly do have a few assumptions as to the cause of this peculiar phenomenon.
Theory # 1 : Your "brain" attempts to tell the rest of your body that receiving a sweater for Christmas is actually a pleasant experience. However, your "body" fights back ferociously. At first, your torso begins to feel a bit hot. Then your mind quickly retaliates by explaining to you that heat is simply an obvious result of wearing a sweater. A calming comes over you as you slip into the understanding that being warm and cozy on Christmas morning is not such a bad thing. In an effort to win the battle, your body turns to the "Christmas Morning Itch". You are viciously assaulted with an uncontrollable itch around your neck, chest and back. The simultaneous itch is unbearable and your are forced to understand that the Christmas Sweater should NOT be worn.
Theory # 2 : Times are tuff and employment at the North Pole has been a bit shaky lately. Due to recent cut backs on the workshop staff, many of the Elves have been forced to work double shifts and multi task on new duties. As we all know, the toy making elves have seniority over the clothing making elves. Therefore, the elves that produce the sweaters are also often requested to clean out the reindeers barn. Apparently, some of the hay gets tracked back into the sewing work shop. The hay subsequently gets sewn into the sweaters.
Theory # 3 : Santa actually does NOT like delivering clothes to children. Many kids do not realize this, but Santa will often times receive requests from boys and girls, but he also receives letters in the mail from parents. Adults on occasion will send letters to Santa to inform him about them misbehaving at various time during the year. In those letters, parent also inform Santa to bring clothing in addition to toys. As a result, Santa feels obligated to delivery a few sweaters, socks, underwear etc. Due to the fact that Santa truly prefers to deliver toys, he sprinkles a bit of magic itching dust onto the sweaters. His hopes are that children will put up such a fuss regarding wearing the sweater, that mothers will stop asking for sweaters the following year.
Theory # 4 : The sweaters itch on Christmas morning, because that is what sweaters do. End of Story... Sweaters should not be given to children for Christmas.
Note: When saying that the elves have been forced to work double shifts, I am in no way saying that there has been any human rights violations. Santa's Village is regularly audited and has only received passing marks on all compliance issues. Inspections are conducted on a regular basis, and there has not been a single violation in any of Santa's workshops. They can do a better job cleaning the restrooms, but other then that they are in tip top shape. If you have heard about Human Rights Violations at the Santa Claus Workshop, we believe that may have been a false report.
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